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A Quick Buck is a mission in the mod.

ObjectivesEdit

  • Drive to the train yard
  • Climb up to the roof
  • Take out the guards in the warehouse
  • Open the roller door
  • Take out the guards outside the warehouse
  • Enter the truck
  • Drive the truck to the underpass rave

ScriptEdit

No matter what time the mission is when it is started, the time always changes to 10 p.m.

Lis, Trey, and Todd are all sitting in the dining room at Willem's mansion as Willem walks out with a duffelbag. Lis, Trey, and Todd go through the duffelbag and pull out the M70 assault rifles inside the bag, examining them as Willem talks to them

Willem: That right there's an M70 assault rifle, made in Serbia, imported a few years ago. You ever shoot one before?

Todd: In video games.

Willem: Uh...sure. Anyway, I got a buyer lined up...some Mexicans south of the border who're interested in what you can get them, right? You'll be able to do this?

Lis: Fuck man, I don't see why not. I mean, we got Todd-

Todd: That's me-

Lis: *Interrupting* Anyway, we've got Todd on the truck, Trey working the forklift, and yours truly keeping watch with a second hand knockoff assault rifle from Serbia. What could possibly go wrong?

Trey: Way you put it, something's bound to go wrong.

Lis: Stop being a downer about this. And besides, it'll go one of two ways. Either we make out with a truckload of stolen electronics, or we end up in jail.

Willem: So, that being said, can I count on you three to pull this off?

Lis: Yeah, we can do it.

Trey: Well, we'd better be getting a move on, yeah? It'll be daylight before you know it.

The three of them get up from their seats as Trey and Lis converse

Lis: It's only ten, we've got time-

Trey: Each minute we're wasting here we're burning daylight!

Lis: It's only fucking ten!

The three of them walk out of the room as Willem waves them goodbye

Willem: Don't get yourselves killed out there.

The scene then cuts to the three of them walking out of Willem's house and over to Todd's Capital. During the walk, a conversation erupts

Todd: So we're really gonna do this?

Trey: No Todd, we're gonna go home and play with ourselves.

Todd: Oh...can Lis come?

Lis: What?

Trey: *Over Lis* No Todd, we're not gonna go home and play with ourselves, we're gonna do this thing, you fucking retard!

The three of them enter Todd's Capital, with Lis entering the drivers seat

The player gains control of Lis. The player is instructed to drive to the train yard. During the drive, a conversation erupts

Todd: Lis, how come you always get to drive?

Trey: Because you're legally borderline retarded and I wouldn't trust you with a stapler, let alone a gas-powered metal cage on four wheels.

Todd: No fair, I was asking Lis!

Lis: I agree with Trey, well, aside from the last part. Plus, it's been a while since I've driven a 1980's midsize sedan. Your Uncle just can't let go of the past, can he?

Todd: Hey, don't knock on Uncle Neil, he's a cool guy!

Lis: I never said he wasn't cool, I'm just pointing out that he lives like it was thirty years ago. The mullet, the mustache, the copious amounts of Woodstock rock and his 1970's blue collar mannerisms.

Todd: At least he grew up the '70s, unlike you, little Miss "I-love-Germany-despite-having-never-been-there-and-listening-to-techno-music-from-Holland".

Trey: Oooh! Burnt you, Lis!

Lis: Verrückte verzögern. *Crazy Retard* Anyway, down to business, we all know what we're doing here, yes?

Trey: Yep, I drive the lift, or as you Germans like to call them, gabel-stompers.

Lis: You mean Gabelstapler? *Forklift*

Trey: Yeah, that, whatever. Anyway, I load it up into Todd's truck, you keep watch.

Lis: Alright, good deal.

The player arrive near the warehouse. The three of them automatically exit the car, with Todd walking into town

Todd: I'll find you guys a truck, don't worry.

The player is instructed to climb up the roof of the warehouse VIA ladder along the side. Along the way, Trey and Lis talk to eachother

Trey: So that fed we were gonna take down got us a buyer for this job?

Lis: He was never a fed to begin with. He just made a deal with them.

Trey: How do you know about that?

Lis: One, he told me, and second, that shit happens all the time, what with criminal dudes and the feds making deals under the table and all.

Trey: What, like Kennedy getting shot?

Lis: What about Kennedy getting shot?

Trey: Look at the facts, Lis. You got Lee Harvey Oswald, who, under orders of his cronies in the Russian mob, shot the president of the United States. Meanwhile, the Russian mob back then had ties to the then-Soviet leader Nikita Khruschev, who ordered the assasination to get back at Kennedy for making a fool out of him during the Cuban missile crisis- 

Lis: *Interrupting Trey* Trey...Trey-I'm gonna stop you right there and tell you I couldn't really care less about your conspiracies until after we finish this job, alright?

The player arrives on the roof. Upon arrivial, a short cutscene occurs

Trey and Lis walk over to the skylight and examine it

Trey: You see any latches or anything?

Lis: Shit, don't see none.

Trey: Fuck, now how the fuck're we gonna sneak in?

As Trey talks, Lis searches and finds a piece of rebar on the ground

Trey: Fuck, so we can go in through the front, but that wouldn't be so secret-ey. We can also climb the AC vents, but-

Lis suddenly throws the rebar through the skylight, breaking it. Trey looks away with a very stern/angered look on her face as Lis ties a rope around an AC unit and tosses it down the broken window, calling out to Trey as she does so

Lis: It ain't pretty, but it fucking works, yeah! C'mon!

Lis slides down the rope as Trey readies himself to slide down the rope, to himself as he does so

Lis: Shit's gonna hit the fan, big time.

The player regains control once Lis lands at the bottom of the rope. After reaching the bottom, t'he player is then instructed to take out the guards. Shortly after rappeling down, Trey yells out to Lis, who is driving the forklift

Trey: Don't make such an entrance next time, you fucking bummer!

Lis: Joke's on you, it got us in!

The player kills the guards. The player is then instructed to open the roller door. While doing so, a short cutscene occurs

Lis goes over to the roller door and presses a button that makes it roll up. As the door rolls up, Lis ducks down under it, running to the rear end of a truck which backed up to the loading bay. Lis opens the back of the truck and takes cover behind one of the opened truck doors as Trey begins moving crates into the back of the truck

The player regains control of Lis. The player is instructed to kill the guards shooting at the truck. During the shootout, Lis yells out at random points

Lis: Where the fucking fuck are you, Todd!?

Lis: Todd!? Don't tell me you went and ran off!

Lis: My back's against the wall!

Lis: Sie haben das falsche Beruf, Fotze! *You chose the wrong job, cunt!*

Lis: Verdammt Schwanzlutscher! *Goddamn cocksucker!*

After the shootout, the player is instructed to get into the truck with Trey. While they do so, a short conversation erupts

Trey: That's about the bulk of it!

Lis: Good, we'd better get a move on!

The player enters the truck. The player is instructed to drive to the underpass rave. During the drive, a short cutscene occurs

Trey: Where we dropping this off?

Lis: Fuck me! I forgot to ask him!

Trey: Let's just keep it at the rave near the highway for now, yeah? Next order of business, where the fucking hell's Todd?

Lis: Shit, shit, shit, I don't fucking know! You text him, I'm gonna call Willem and tell him about the club.

Lis automatically calls Willem

Willem: Elisabeth, is the favor taken care of?

Lis: Yeah, we got a truckload full of electronics. We're gonna take it to where they hold the rave out by the I-68 if you wanna meet us there.

Willem: Fair enough. I'll meet you there.

Lis: That sounds dynamite.

Lis hangs up

Lis: Any news on Todd?

Trey: No dice. Should I call him?

Lis: No Trey, shove your phone up your ass and sing yourself to sleep.

Trey: I take it you're being sarcastic.

Trey calls Todd

Trey: Fucking hell, cut to his voicemail...Todd, it's me. Pick up your goddamn phone and call me or I'll hit you twice as hard to when you stole those donuts from me.

Trey hangs up

Trey: It seems like Todd is either dead, arrested, or playing a joke that's gone too far.

Lis: He isn't smart enough for the last one, so he's either dead or arrested.

Trey: Fuck, this is fucking bad.

Lis: Fuck, fuck, fuck!

Trey: Fuck!

Lis: Fucking hell, Todd's either dead or inside!

Trey: Fuck!

Lis: *Same time as Trey* Fuck!

The player arrives at the rave, where Willem and another man are standing outside by Willem's Mantis. Upon arrival, a cutscene occurs

Lis parks the truck by the club as Willem and his bodyguard walk up to it. Lis and Trey exit the truck and meet up with Willem and his bodyguard

Willem: That's a truck full of electronics?

Trey: Indeed it is. Nothing but the best flatscreens and shit this side of the Alleghenies.

Willem: *Chuckles* Splendid, splendid. Also, meet my nephew, Henk. Came all the way from Johannesburg.

Lis: Oh, so that's the schmuck you brought along with you, the one that's gonna take my job?

Willem: What-

Trey: Lis, calm down-

Lis: You fucking calm down, man! Man, fucking hell, the thing's fucking blown!

Lis throws up her arms and walks away. As she walks away, Willem talks to Trey

Willem: She okay?

Trey: Yeah, she's probably on her period or some shit.

The scene then cuts to Lis sitting on the steps outside of the gas station, drinking a soda out of a cup. Lis gets up from the bench and tosses the cup aside, muttering to herself

Lis: Todd, oh Todd. Where are you, my amigo?

Mission Passed