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Sightseeing is an oddjob given in the game.

ObjectivesEdit

  • Get in the journalist's car
  • Drive to Breakfast In America
  • Drive to the Mine
  • Drive to the river

ScriptEdit

Lis walks up to the burnt-down house of Jane Davis and finds a cameraman, Paul, and a news reporter, Michael, reporting on it

Michael: And in this small town in the heard of America, this burning, smoldering home that was left to burn because of an underfunded fire department - *notices Lis*  -What're you doing here?

Lis: Well, uh...what're you doing here?

Michael: I'm Michael Hunt with EBC News, doing a report on small town Americana. Who are you?

Lis: I'm Lis Seiler, who's curious as to what interest EBC has to do with a small town in America.

Michael: It's not the town itself, it's the culture!

Lis: Oh, yeah, I remember. You Brits are so cultured. So cultured, you give up your own principles and standards and let everybody walk over you. I mean, for one thing, we kicked your ass twice, two, you keep losing these "territories" or whatever you like to call them, and three, you got that cunt of a Queen, doing fuck all except to look pretty-

Michael: *To Paul* Are you getting this?

Paul: Yeah.

Michael: Great, keep it rolling. *To Lis* I like you. I like what you have to say. Even though I don't agree with your opinion, I still agree with it, know why?

Lis: No-

Michael: Because you're an American! You tell it how it is just the way it should be, politically incorrect and close-minded!

Lis: Uh...yeah, thanks.

Michael: That's why I want you to give us the tour, ya'know? Show us around, see the sights, meet the people. You live here, right?

Lis: Yeah-

Michael: Yeah, that's good! You can help us!

Lis: Yeah, sure...but you know, it's gonna cost.

Michael: Alright, uh...how-how much would you like?

Lis: Call your buddies in London and tell them I want five million dollars.

Michael: That's completely unreasonable-

Lis: No, five billion is unreasonable. That's why I'm asking you for five million-

Michael: You know what? Forget it. I'll call a cab.

Lis: But the last cab driver we had here died in the 1980s.

Michael: So, you're going to do it for a reasonable price?

Lis: Define "reasonable".

Michael goes through his wallet before addressing Lis again

Michael: I'll give you 150 dollars-

Lis: Hot damn. Alright, let's get in this car of yours and take you out sightseeing.

The player gains control of Lis. The player is instructed to enter the journalist's car as Paul and Michael enter, with Michael talking to Lis as he enters

Michael: Firstly, I want you to show me the town, what the real small town America is like.

Lis: You could've walked there since it's about a block away, but I'm not complaining. After all, you're paying me.

Once the player enters the journalist's car, the player is instructed to drive to Breakfast In America

The player arrives at Breakfast In America. After arriving, the car automatically stops as Michael talks to Lis

Michael: So, where are we?

Lis: Main street Philadelphia, North Dakota. You got a diner there, a bar across the way, everything you could possibly need all within walking distance.

Michael: Alright then, I'd say we got enough footage. Take us up around the mine.

Lis: As you wish.

The player is instructed to drive to the mine

The player arrives at the mine. After arriving, the car automatically stops as Michael talks to Lis

Michael: This is the mine?

Lis: Yep.

Michael: What do you know about it?

Lis: Fuck if I know. My dad worked there since we came to America and I don't even know as much about it as you want to know.

Michael: Uh...yeah, alright. Take us out to the countryside, right? I wanna see how the countryside contrasts with the industrialization of the town, right?

Lis: Uh...sure, yeah. I'll take us up to the river, it's a nice drive out there.

The player gains control of Lis. The player is instructed to drive to the river. During the drive, a conversation erupts

Michael: So, you said your dad isn't from here or something?

Lis: Yeah. I mean, he lives here and he lived here for the past thirteen years, but he wasn't born here.

Michael: Were you born here?

Lis: Nope, I was born in Essen.

Michael: That's in Germany, right-

Lis: Germany.

Michael: Alright. So, what made your dad want to come from Germany to...to here.

Lis: Where, here?

Michael: Yeah. I mean, you always hear about immigrants coming over here in boats and staying in New York and stuff. Never coming here, you know?

Lis: My dad came here because his work moved us here

Michael: And his job is at the mine?

Lis: Yeah. All I know is that the company he works for buys the mine out here, fixes it up, and moves him out here to work for them-

Michael: I'm gonna stop you right there and ask you, you're not an American?

Lis: I'm an American citizen-

Michael: But you're not a legitimate American, are you?

Lis: What're you trying to say?

Michael: I'm saying that you're not a real American. You and your family were from Germany, not America.

Lis: I don't see why that should matter. You're paying me to drive you around-

Michael: But I'm trying to say you aren't an American. I wanted somebody who knows the area to drive me around, not some immigrant.

Lis: You don't know shit about America either-

Michael: I do. I know enough.

Lis: Alright, what's the capital of the United States?

Michael: Washington D.C.?

Lis: Eh...alright. What's the capital of North Dakota?

Michael: North Dakota City?

Lis: Strike one. What state is Washington D.C. in?

Michael: That's an easy one. Virginia.

Lis: Nope. You fail, hard.

Michael: Wait, how's that possible? We got off the plane in Virginia.

Lis: Yeah, but...well...it's hard to explain. But point proven, you need me. You need me to help you with your vain and hilariously awful views of this country.

Michael: We'll pass. After all, you are a woman, and I heard on American television you belong in the kitchen.

Lis: What the fuck?

Paul: Michael, you've been an asshole since you got off the plane. Did you take your pills?

Michael: I don't need no bloody pills! I'm a revolutionary journalist who can do just fine without them! I covered wars, I covered politics, and we all know I can handle a small white trash town in the south-

Lis: We're not even in the south, you cunt!

Michael: Fuck you! Fuck you! Fuck! You! If I say we're in the south, we're in the south! Now shut the fuck up and get me to that wherever the fuck you were taking me to!

The player arrives at the river. Upon arival, a cutscene occurs

Lis, Michael, and Paul are all sitting in Michael's car. Michael is fixing his hair in the rearview mirror

Michael: How do I look?

Paul: Fine.

Michael: Right, good. *To Lis* Stay here, we're going out to film this reservoir up close.

Michael and Paul exit the car and walk to the river. As they walk towards it, Lis starts the car's ignition and drives away, with Michael running after the car, yelling at her

Michael: Stop you crazy German bitch! We kicked your ass in the war, don't think we can't do it again!

The scene then cuts to Lis stopping the car at a stop sign as the camera pans behind it to resemble the "driving camera"

Mission Passed